The Unknown

We all fear the unknown, we fear the loss that we could suffer, we fear taking those steps through what seems like an endless tunnel with no sign of an end or glimmer of light to guide us, but what is life without taking a step into the unknown?

Each time we leave the comfort of the world we know it frightens us, it terrifies us leaving nothing but a frozen vessel with the consciousness of a person. We find these moments take our breath away, unable to move or even speak we just stare silently afraid to make a sound and risk shattering the perfect silence the surrounds us and the risk of losing the comfortable world we protect ourselves in.

We fear what we say because once said it can never be unheard.

I have been in this place more times than I care to remember, each time though taking a risk because what is life without that step into the unknown? True enough the potential hurt that could be the consequence of my choice grows but then so does the reward for such an act.

By no means do I have all the answers but what I do know is to grow in life and live it to the fullest we must understand, we must listen, we must step out of our comfortable little self created world’s and become apart of something different, become apart of something more.

We must realise that we will always be alone until we accept our need for others.

So take the step into the unknown and risk it all because once we learn to do this we will all finally have the chance of truly having everything.

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To know

To know what love is can be hard,
To give yourself to someone,
To trust them,
To accept them,
To let them in.

To know love first we must have lost,
To know joy we must know sorry,
To know happiness we must know pain,
To know love we must understand.

To succumb to it’s will,
To let go of our fears,
To jump into the unknown,
To never rush,
To know what love is we must wait.

To risk it all,
To suffer and cry,
To fall and break,
To know these things so we can know love.

To accept it all because of all the other days,
When you are in love.

History Always Repeats

I thought this pain was from memories of old, I was wrong.

To feel someone pulling away once again is truly crippling.

I have finally realised what it is, I now understand they reason, I understand why…. I let people in.

I hide in plain sight, all my feelings are there to be seen and yet they are unrecognisable to those who have meant the most.

I can look into their eyes and know how they feel, every thought, every hope, every dream and every fear.

To see them begin to pull away because they do not understand me just hurts more every time it happens.

To be the one who always takes the risks, who always let’s people in even though they don’t realise it seems to be the very reason I suffer.

Patience is lost in our world, so many cannot see beyond their own self preservation, so many cannot see what could be if only they had waited.

“She would have been so happy if she had waited. I just want to grab her and shake her”

Once this was said to me by someone who I thought understood, it’s funny how people forget the little things that are so important.

Now once again I feel like there is an amassing weight gathering around me ready to fall and crush me. Maybe this wasn’t meant to be my happy ending, only another chapter in the pages of my history.

Words I have said seem to have meant little to nothing so many times. People have said they struggle to know me, they struggle to understand me…. If they trusted me they would know their answers.

There was so much I had to say, all I was waiting for was the right time to make that leap. Now such secrets would only be forced, I can feel the cold hand of fate reaching into me once again, clutching a healing heart ready to squeeze.

“What will be will be” horrible words, created for people who do not wish to make a choice and lose their control even if only for a second.

Horrible words that follow us all throughout life and offer an escape for those who never truly want to let go.

Horrible words that have no place in my life.

The Halls of the Mind

I find myself drifting through world of nothing, corridors so dark with no path to follow or light to guide.

Am I destined to wander lost and alone, trapped inside my own mind unable to find the answers I seek? The more time I spend wandering the corridors of my mind in search of that ever elusive answer I find doors to open that only give me more questions. 

After being bathed in such warn light from another why is it the shadow that is cast worries me so. It’s always there and accept it I have, so why does it now start to cause stirring thoughts? Why can I not answer my own questions…

Is it the fear of once again losing that which has been given to me, or is it fear of falling once again into a place of such darkness and pain.

Letting go of the echoes of the past and brining silence to the cries of the damned was no easy challenge and now it would seem they inhabit the decadent halls of my mind brining them a slow degradation. 

The lies of the past and the pain carried with them were embedded deeper than I realised, all it took was one simple sentence to be uttered for a cascade of bad memories to come flooding back screaming with now way to silence them, brining the forgotten pain along with them.

A sudden clarity of what I now have and what it would mean if I lost it all again…

Second chances are rare, so why do we feel we don’t deserve them? All we need is embrace them, let them take their course and not compare them to the past. Tangled thoughts infest people’s minds, we spend so much time allowing a single vine to grow in our minds and eventually our hearts, we wait for the worst because of past experience and in doing so maybe we encourage it’s return… I must find the root and cut it fast before it’s too late.

I have have come to the end of the halls and that one last remaining door, I hope my answer lays in wait behind it.

Holding Back

There are time we just sit and stare at the sky,
Watching and waiting always wondering why,
Those are the times we can’t help but cry.

We succumb to our feelings,
Those feelings still healing,
When did this pain become so appealing.

To live with such pain, remorse and fear,
We carry on strong and don’t shed a tear,
These times we’re strong are when you hold us near.

What holds us back? Why don’t we know,
Thinking and thinking about what feelings to show,
What should we say so we don’t let you go.

All She Wants

You would give her the world, all she wants is your smile,
You would take her places across countless miles,
When all she wants is still your smile.

You would shower her with silver, diamonds and gold, all she wants is you to both grow old,
You would give her the life of that of a Queen,
When all she still wants to grow old with you and be seen.

You would buy her love because it’s that which you yearn, all she wants is you to learn,
You would try and take that which can only be given,
Now she walks away and you’re never forgiven.

You should have listened, you should have learned, you should have grown,
All she wanted was your feelings to be shown.

The Last Chapter

The once noble knight, now fallen into his own darkness and chaos waits.

He stands in a blossoming field open and calm with the skies as clear as a still river.

A man approaches, his footsteps can be heard on the gentle wind. The now fallen knight smiles as he turns to see a face from the past.

Both men of honour, they relinquish their armour until they have nothing but their swords.

“So it is you”
“Yes”
“It looks like this is how it has to be”
“It would seem so”

Both men laugh. The skies begin to darken and the thunder begins to roar. As the rain falls from the heavens onto these warriors they take up arms.

Poised, waiting….

Lightning strikes the ground between them splitting the very earth, with roars as proud as lions they charge one another.

Clashing swords and thunderous screams can be heard that shake the very mountains.

Flurries of skill and strength can be seen, witnessed only by the ancestors in the heavens and the gods of old.

The men are equally matched one with commanding strength and mighty blows, the other with skill and graceful accuracy, neither one can best the other.

Blood begins to fall from each, the ground beneath is stained red.

The battle wages on, the knights both tire and yet still relentlessly fight. Their swords now damaged so close to breaking but neither will submit.

Landing strikes, blow for blow they both grow weak…. Looking across the now blood stricken field they both smile and take one last charge.

Time itself seems to slow, both raising their swords ready for one last swing, They both glide past one another, stopping mere steps after.

Silence falls as the rains begins to stop and the clouds begin to clear, both men still standing they drop their swords, they turn and walk towards each other.

As they approach the last few steps one collapses in to the arms of the other. Smiling his last words are uttered, his last breathe taken he passes from this world to the next.

“Comrade, Friend, Brother…. You released me. I thank you”

Now free of all the chaos that resided in his heart he can finally rest.