Cloudy Skies

“Behind the clouds that fill the skies is light, so no matter how unsure things seem, in the end the cloud will clear and you will see the light.”

There are chapters in our lives filled with joy, others with sorrow. One cannot exist without the other, like night and day as the suns light fades and the impending darkness grows ever stronger we get scared, hesitant, petrified like stone and unable to move because we cannot see, we have nothing to guide us, we are lost in a silent sea of nothing.

The night cannot last forever, the hope of that glimmer of light as the dawn breaks the darkness of the night is what gives us the strength, for those moments where we sit and watch the sunrise are more beautiful each time we see them, it makes us appreciate those times of radiant illumination. These are the times we can see clearly, no fear, no hesitation, nothing to stop us choosing what road we take.

This bliss cannot last forever. 

What you can hope for is the strength to embrace the night, without fear because each time you fall into darkness you know the no matter how long it lasts in the end the light will once again find its way into your life.

“Smile” 

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We’re only Human

“Even those with the thickest skin can still be hurt, after all we’re only human”

No matter the person, everyone has their limits. Once their limit is reached they react in one of two ways, some explode with rage, erupting like a volcano destroying everything in their path because of the endless repression of emotion they’ve housed for years of not feeling worthy. Others breakdown and fall into despair, they become engulfed in sadness, remorse and tears because no matter what they did, it was never enough.

We forget the words we use impact people, little by little chipping away at a confidence that once shone brightly leaving only a remnant shadow. In time when you hear the same things time and time again it takes a toll in the end.

Finally people believe that which they have been told, invariably it’s always negative which causes the fire they once had to be extinguished.

The Words that can stay in our head sometimes feel like knives in our hearts, until in the end, we fall apart.

We are not invincible, sometimes we all need help. It is not weak to need help, nor is it weak or foolish to help others, you might not recognise it now but one day even you might need help.

“Remember we are all human, well all have our limits”

 

Strong for too long

To be strong for so long,
It wears us down,
We wear a smile,
Not a frown.

To be strong for so long,
We fall to our knees,
In the dark all alone,
With no one to hear our tears.

To be strong for so long,
It’s a burden to hold,
To not say a word,
To keep the burden until we are old.

To be strong for so long,
We do not notice the strength had gone.

We rise from our fall,
We wipe away the tears,
We stand proud and tall,
We forget our past fears,
We move on
And continue to be strong.

It’s Finally Gone

“Just like that the weight of a thousand ages had been lifted from my shoulders”

Countless thoughts, feelings, memories and stories have been written in the blog and after the revelations of the last few days my pain has finally gone…

Thinking back to the times I tried to help and failed, thinking back through all the pain I suffered without hesitation for her, I finally knew there was nothing more I could do. My last act was carried out only a couple of days ago and yet it feels like so much longer.

I was told by “Kain” that he and his son were trying desperately to pull “April” out of a destructive situation, Knowing that they are doing all they can was comforting yet sad.

Why was it sad? Because who I once knew was truly lost and there was no chance of her ever returning.

The person that was now left in her place I wished not ill towards, but with all my heart I prayed for her safety and happiness with  hope one day she has a chance to find love. I thought I could have given her all of this but that was written in the stars for us. I hope that one day she might be free of her own darkness that surrounds her.

Finally letting go of the memory of the girl I had held onto for so long was hard, to let go of everything, the hope, dreams, feelings and memories is not something you can plan it just happens when you’re ready, I shed no tears and felt no pain, there was nothing else left for me to do but continue my life.

I am sure I will have times where something will trigger a vagrant memory; it’s only human to remember someone who you loved with all of your heart.

Strange really, my eyes have been opened as has my heart.

It’s time to live, and who knows maybe one day I will meet someone worth letting in again and when I do I will not be afraid of getting hurt because if I have another chance to be as happy as I felt with her it will be worth the risk.

“She would always have been enough, always”

History Repeats Itself

“The calamities once again reappear in that continuous place”

What I saw tonight sickened me, the sheer amount of anxiety and fear resonating from one person was overwhelming… something was not right.

Various people entered my place of was this evening three in particular, “Liouse, Jay & April” as the walked in at different times something did not feel right, my gut was telling me something bad was about to happen.

“Jay” takes “April” to one of the toilets at my workplace, strange I thought trying to ignore this fact and continue as normal. I begin working with “Mia” all the time in the back of my mind I can hear a clock ticking, I begin to worry.

“Mia” cannot understand why I have a pensive look and begins to take an angry tone with me, “why do you care? It’s not your place too” I snap at her which she did not deserve “I pulled you out of the Shit didn’t I!” Which was followed by a personal jab at her recent situation.

I could feel myself getting more and more worried the longer I didn’t see sight of them. 

A couple of lads start knocking on the door of the room they are in after it has been locked for a considerable amount of time, what I saw next made my heart stop. “Jay” yanks the door open with a look of blind anger in his eyes, my suspicions had been confirmed, he was standing in front of the door so “April” could not leave.

Seeing this I made my choice instantly, I still had “Kains” contact details from his wife, so I decided to message him. Perhaps he could pull her out of whatever she had gotten herself into.

“Jay” and one of the bantering lads soon hit nerves with each other and things escalate at an alarming rate. They go outside and “Jay” begins goading the other lad into a fight.

Suddenly fists are flying myself on one other pull the apart, once resolved “Jay” goes in search of “April” with a possessed look in his eye. I was not made aware of what happened until after they left as I sorted the other lads out.

“Mia” spoke with me, what she told me was chilling from how he grabbed her hand to drag her away to forcing her to kiss him and even telling her everything ok and he is making a fuss over nothing.

All of that was trivial to this one sentence “Mia” uttered..

“He punishes her when she does wrong” There was more from “Mia” but those was the one that turned my stomach. 

After sending “Kain” a message I decide to phone him and tell him everything, true it was none of my concern but enough was enough this had to end, it was now upto him.

This was my final gift to her, once again I threw caution to the wind and made my choice any consequences that followed I would accept willingly. Even after all the lies, deceit and suffering she had caused me even she did not deserve this Hell of her own creation. Just because I was hurt does not mean I should leave her to suffer, as fitting a penance as that might be.

“Pain, suffering and bad memories fade but the one thing that is never forgotten is how someone treated you”

 

Sad Eyes

“Sometimes it’s hard to switch off and unsee the looks behind people’s eyes.”

Anxiety, uncertainty and fear is what I can see, masked by over expressive words and gestures that are set to create a false world of happiness, created to keep out those closest until there will be no one left who cares; until all that is left is an isolated Hell of their own creation and a broken shell who’s soul rotted away years ago.

To see such things haunts me, so scared, so helpless it’s sad really.

That said if that is their choice then people will accept it, only seeing the facade and allowing for the belief that it’s all “fine & happy” but if you really look you will see otherwise.

People choose to ignore that which takes place behind closed doors.

In the end a once vibrant person accepts their own world of misery, believing it is normal to feel worthless and unhappy yet still choosing to stay in such a place, why? Perhaps Love is the reason?  Who really knows. From all I’ve seen the answer is simple, they will stay out of fear.

If you look into the eyes of people you will know if they are happy.

“Your eyes cannot lie”

Secrets & Lies

To keep a secret we must tell a lie,
To protect ourselves,
Yet each day we sigh.
Our eyes don’t meet,
It’s better that way,
We ignore each other,
Day after day.

The ignorance is bliss it keeps us safe,
Turning Away from truth,
Restoring our faith,
Faith once lost from the lies and the sleuth,
We forget what we knew,
I carry on my life and so do you.