The last words of memory

“I’m not in love with you!”

If you were to ask me why these words suddenly appeared in my head I could not tell you, the difference is there was no emotion attached to them when they appeared… strange I thought but a good thing.

“Until you stop thinking and start doing you will always be alone” very wise words from someone in my distant past that I had grown apart from.

Maybe all my thoughts and writings  were not only easing my troubled mind but a subconscious way of keeping her memory alive… as much as I dislike admitting when people really knew me “Tina” did. Never afraid to tell it how it was, more fool me for letting my own selfish desires corrupt friendships like hers, if I look back I can see good people that I have separated from, all because I won’t let people in, I guess she was right.

I will be alone until I stop fighting everything on my own.

My situation was by no means unique, there are countless people the world over in the same place, Trusting people is the easiest and yet the hardest thing to do. 

Little by little we come to terms with that which haunts us, looking across the park with the sun shining down on me I try to look forward and smile, then it dawned on me… 

“I guess the best way to live life, is to live like tomorrow is your last day on this earth. Not worrying about the past or the future, living in the moment and enjoying each day because life is a gift bestowed upon us, but not one we can keep forever.”