“A silence so clear I could hear my own heart beat”
Broken sleep has once again found its way into my life at that one time that is always consistent, 2am. Waking to nothing but silence, no thoughts, feelings or pain only a distilled nothingness that is deafening.
Removing thoughts from my mind has served well to dull the insatiable lust for revenge that started to flow through my veins, to cause the same pain I had suffered and more without hesitation or remorse.
No feelings were left it would seem, I welcomed absence of their presence… but either way it did not matter.
As I lay in the dark embrace of the night I accept all it has to offer, unable to sleep I perch myself on the edge of the bed and stare at the stars. Hours pass as I stare at their beauty, accompanied by a glorious full moon that illuminates the sky, continuing to watch the endless abyss and count the infinite stars I see something I haven’t seen in years.
A shooting star streaming across the sky, it was as if time stopped and all that was and all that ever would be ceased to exist, it was only my eyes watching the star. I smile as it fades leaving a stream of dust in the sky, looking to the horizon the sun breaks the dark blanket of the night and a new day begins.
The sun rise brought with it birds flying into the distance, free and unbound. I always wanted to fly, looking at the birds I think “those wings, I want them” we all bind ourselves to the life we choose and never question why.
Looking back I needed not question why because I knew the answer, it was enough.
True I may have fallen in love with an apparition that left no trace of the radiant beauty that once was, I looked back into my memories and smiled because even though I was driven to the edge I was able to see the potential beauty that resides beyond the point of no return.
I was able to know myself and in doing so unlock a door that had remained sealed for a lifetime, we all grow through experience even though the past can hurt you can either run from it or learn from it, I chose to learn. What did you do?
“This new beginning was the perfect ending”