“No matter how many times we try and do the right thing it gets thrown back at us by those we try to help”
It seems once again I have played the fool for trying to help people.
Choosing to be there is not something I do for reward or praise but because it’s the right thing to do, everyone needs a little help at times and welcomes it with open arms when it is in adherence to their thoughts, yet on the turn or a penny they can lash out in self protection when they are confronted with an inconvenient truth they do not want to admit.
Others do not appreciate the simple fact that you will keep a watchful eye over them from the back ground,they choose to discard you until your utility is required again. Such is the way of human nature, you would think by now I would have learnt to not develop an emotional attachment and concern for people who I can see making the same mistakes.
Call it empathy or stupidity, either way it seems my constant mistake is caring for the wrong people.
Throughout my ordeal various friends offered council but with none who understood I only help 3 opinions in high regard those of “Dante, Mia & Tina” all of which told me to let go and each time I heard it my mind gathered everything it needed from them, it was my emotional connection the kept me in that troubled place until I got the answer I needed.
“To live life unknowing and in hope is worse than a cruel truth that liberates you.”
“Dante” had similar problems yet enough resolve to detach, still when I saw him I could see the look of anguish behind his eyes… it was the same look I had so long ago, I understood the inner strife it caused. I trusted him the most.
“Tina” in her later years sympathized with the situation but urged me not to forget that people who care would not have treated me in such a way, words of sage advice from her always helped me back to sanity.
“A friend so close the cut was deep”
The last was “Mia” she was aware of the entire story from the start, she had seen all the messages, she knew everything… even down to how crippling it was at the end of it all when I got my answer. She had been going through a parallel version of the same story with only one difference from what I was told by her they both felt the same “sounded like the way I used to talk about April” drawing from past experience and reading through the messages of “Daryl” I could see a manipulative pattern.
After watching her begin to lose herself and become a shadow I intervened with advice and support, she slowly returned to herself only to end up back at the point I urged her to stay away from. “But you don’t know how.we are together, it’s different when we are together” words she used showed her live for him but his words and actions showed otherwise towards her, one sentence stuck in my mind “I don’t want to change you, I want you to want to change for us” they were going in circles just as I was.
Being as honest as possible yet tactful I try to get her to see reason, she keept justifying past actions from “Daryl” that were highly inexcusable. One night we had a conversation while let’s say a tad tipsy and that was the first time I saw a touch of spite “You were stupid enough to stay until she screamed she wasn’t in love with you” without hesitation I bit back reminding her of what she had told me, she then diverted the conversation. I saw that night a fear in her eyes, she didn’t want to accept that someone could act in such a way… but he did and that was what worried me.
Days passed and I see at work, she was looking more anxious than before. Finding a coffee shop we sit and once again have the same conversation and once again when she is confronted with a truth she does not want to accept she throws an emotional dagger at me. This time I was brutal with my retaliation, “you have two choices sacrifice who you are and everything you love for him to fit his life or live your own life and be as happy as you were when you moved here” after more daggers are launched my way my final words were these “you know your choices, remember if it’s not you he will find someone who will fit with his life and his plan, one way or another he will get what he wants which is not you, it’s someone who fits his life”.
I could see the pain that hearing this caused her, she got up and left.
Those we care about can cause the deepest wounds, we all lash out in anger when something we hold so dear is attacked. Why did I react the with such harsh words? Because all the support I had offered was thrown back at me all because she wanted to take a swipe at me and inflict some of the pain she was feeling.
It was this single act that made me see how important getting one over on someone actually was.