A Random Memory

“Memories can hit us at the most unsuspecting times”

Walking in the dark and drizzling rain towards work I look out over the river and see it is close to overflowing, as I stand and just take a moment to listen to the flow of the water I am overcome with memories.

Rather than bury them I decide to just let them flow, much like the river I was stood over.

The most vivid part of the memories was that look, those eyes held so much and pierced through me… she had beautiful eyes.

Leaving the river and continuing the walk to work I occupied my mind with thoughts of work and what I needed to do, I was thinking about anything and everything to keep myself on the light side of myself. Working through the morning the memories returned to the abyss whence they came and I carried on with life as normal, sitting down after work for a green tea I began to read and get lost in a world of knowledge until I had a visit from an unexpected person, “Amelia”.

We began to talk and I explained more to her about past events as she had asked the right questions, I could see the way she was looking at me with such feeling and understanding because she had been in a similar situation in her past. I could have easily kept on seeing her and seen how things developed but I knew in my heart I was not right , I made no attempt to lead her into a false sense of my feelings because as sad as it might be I was still not ready.

Finishing our drinks we shared a hug and went about our own business, as I walked away I turn to wave and see the way she looks at me and like before without warning the memory that hit me by the river was in the centre of my mind’s eye.

Walking home I stopped by that same river and just bean to think about the look I see now when our eyes cross paths even if only briefly, we both make as little eye contact as possible since the events before Christmas but went I do see her I see a sad look behind her eyes and I can’t help but wonder what causes it. Guilt? Remorse? Maybe those are real eyes and what I saw not her but a reflection of myself staring back at me for I wanted to believe in something so pure are Love that I was blinded by my own ambition.. it doesn’t matter either way.

“She had beautiful eyes. Her gaze was full of passion, hope and that little bit more that captured my heart more and more every time I looked at her, it made me feel like nothing else mattered, I felt at peace as brief as that was. Thinking now about those eyes causes my heart to ache, it lingers for days the intensity remains the same, the pain, it remains the same.”

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