Constant Denial

“Everything in life happens for a reason”

A famous quote said when life does not go the way we planned it, people are in constant search of the reason why life didn’t plan out the way the wanted a reason they know they will never know.

Almost a week has passed since I was approached by her trying to dismiss the words I had heard as fallacies not uttered by her pure heart or so she claimed. Last week made me realise how easily I was pulled back into a realm of mixed emotion and uncontrollable thoughts, I felt myself slipping back into a place I had turned away from.

Friends will say to forget and move on but as we all know rarely is it that easy, none are exempt from this fact that we want to know the reasons why we were not enough, why being prepared to open our heart to just one person and take that leap without ever looking back was not enough. We go through the stages until we arrive at acceptance or so we think, all it takes is that one person to reappear in your life and send you hurtling back to a place you thought forgotten, we never let go we only forget, those lucky few amongst us never have to endure the pain of remembering but for the majority the feelings will always be there covered by a veil.

Out of sight out of mind is a very fitting phrase, we search for distractions and continue moving forwards, all the while secretly wanting to know why we weren’t enough.

I will never know the answers to my questions the best I can hope for is to forget and allow the dark veil to fall over those memories. I do not live in hope that miraculously everything will change because it is that very hope that causes people to waste their lives and life each day within thoughts of memories past comparing everything to what made them once happy. 

“Go out and make new memories, better memories.”