Unbound Chaos

He falls only to rise again,

Each time coming back for her,

He falls each time yet his choice it does remain,

Each time she is reborn their feelings begin to stir,

He falls into the chaos, it is what keeps him here,

It was her gift to keep him strong,

A love that turned to chaos,

A love heard in her song.

The song she sings, it stays the same, she dies he remains,

He waits for her each time she fades, his soul slowly rotting away,

To free her from this fate she hath made,

Is his only dream.

Unleash the chaos from his heart and break the ties of time,

Unleash the chaos and darken the world, to save the girl which fate does hold.






An Unexpected Visitor.


“It seems the web that was spread over so many, the web that influenced their actions is breaking apart and the truth is slowly coming to light.”

Each day I find myself writing more and more, words flow without any control from my consciousness. Sometimes I awaken in the middle of the night and write only to wake in the morning without recollection, only the writings that lay before me.

Sitting in my usual place I watch the world go by seeing everything that transpires, I watch the smiles of people both real and fake as they go about their lives. I often find myself in deep thought at times like these, today I was deep in thought reading and I hear a voice, “excuses me, it’s you isn’t it?”.

Looking up I see a face unknown to me and yet somehow familiar, her eyes brought back a memory long since forgotten.

“Yes it is” I answered, “Lumina” introduces herself and I look on with a smile and ask how I can help, then she says one thing and suddenly the penny drops and I know who she is.

We sit and talk and she explains how she feels about the actions of “April” that have caused me so much pain, apologising and thanking me for being there the choices I made, saying words that could have come from the very past itself “I can see through her just as you can, her smile is not real anymore” I agree, I begin to stare into the distance not a feeling stirring… nothing, just an emptiness in my heart from a past I have banished from my mind.

It would seem the concern from her family almost rivalled my own, from what I was told she was now safe, broken but safe.

I decide to tell her about how “Jay” sent me various messages and also asked me to contact him if “April” ever tried to make contact with me. I could see a look of anger descend in her eyes. We talk more and then we are joined by a friend of mine, “Lumina” stands to take her leave, as she does I extend a parting hug and she leaves.

Why is it now no matter how much I look away my head is being pulled into the direction of what I have tried so hard to forget….

“I wonder with all that has come to light will I get one more person approach me? I guess time will tell”

Hidden Eyes

We look away to share not a glance,

We walk along parallel roads in different directions,

We know not the thoughts of the other but still we wonder,

Are Hearts beating fast?

We dare not look,

We stay the course of choice we took,

We walk our road long and alone,

We cast away each unprecious stone, 

We wander the world unforgiving and vast in search or a joy that will not last,

Our paths may cross in the future they say, I’ll smile at you as I did that first day.



A Heart of Chaos.

Inside this chest beats a heart of chaos,

The manifestation of pain once caused,

Tormented and torn through the trials of time,

Subject to endless suffering and loss,

Corrupted is this heart once pure and divine,

Now nothing can change this chaos of mine,

To change the future is to change the past,

This cannot be done so chaos shall last.


The Hour is.

The end is nigh as the hand strikes the hour,
All light fades to dark,
Hope and dreams leave our minds as we slip in to the world thereafter.

No hate, only joy remains as we are welcomed by the eternal light,
Born in darkness we search for the light which will set us free,
Through the shadows and darkness we fight,
Through the torment we seek thee,
We seek those who shall set all our fears asunder.

We search for the light so that we may bask in it’s glorious purity,
Many will fall in this search of glory,
The brightest light cast the darkest shadows and uncertainty.

Fear not the shadows reaching for your soul,
Head to the light and let your story unfold.

Leave nothing to fate or fear,
Embrace the light and accept what you hold most dear,
Fear not it’s loss to the shadows and dust,
The strongest blades eventually rust,
Let go of the fear holding you back,
Embrace the light the light that you lack.

Clear Skies & Open Roads

“I was in love once, what happened? That person died along time ago”

In the wake of the unexpected apology from “Kain” close friends revel in this news that I have imparted onto them, those who sat and listened finally had a close to my story. Still though they had one last question to ask which was constant through all of my kin “would you take her back if she came to you?”

Their advice was also unanimous “don’t, you have pulled yourself out of Hell. Don’t fall back in.”

My answer remains the same to all who ask me that question “No” I could see behind their eyes they all had the same look, a look that thought I would do otherwise if that situation arose. Each of them knew of my feelings but only one asked why I would say no, and that person was “Freya”.

I loved her with all my heart and soul, I was willing to sacrifice anything for her even my own essence to see her safe. I might not have been able to offer wealth, security or a luxurious life style but what I would have given her was that one thing I never saw myself offering anyone else.

Me. All my trust, my love, my very soul. I would have loved her until the skies parted and the heavens called, never looking back because for me.she was enough and all I ever needed to do to know that in my heart was stare into her beautiful eyes and see the way she would look back at me… that was and always would have been enough.

Alas for her I was not enough and I never would have been because if I meant to her what she claimed, if she had the untold amount of love for me that she professed she would have been with me. It’s that simple.

Instead I was cast aside and stricken from her feelings and her life.

I was a rock that she was able to pick up and hold when it suited her and then thrown into the dark well of despair when she found a treasure that she wanted more. 

To offer your very essence to someone and have them cast it into darkness with no hesitation, remorse or regret filled my once pure heart with chaos and pain.

A chaos I fought to gain control of and a pain I had to purge from my life. 

If she was to have felt how she claimed I would not be sitting here alone with only the rays of the sun to restore the warmth of my heart. 

That is why my answer will always be no.

The woman I loved ceased to exist the person I see now I no longer recognise, it’s a sad story but it is my story.

“So ends this chapter in my life, full of so much promise only to end in pain, suffering and torment. It’s time to write the next chapter with a smile safe in the knowledge that for the right person I know I will be able to take that leap of faith and give myself to her.”

Moments in Time

Moments in time can pass us by,

We sit and wait for the time to be right,

Watching and waiting we stare at the sky never wondering nor asking why, 

Time is infinite but life is not.

To sit and wait and leave life to fate is a futile choice but one we still make,

We wait for a moment of divine decisive time,

What we forgot is time will not wait,

Live your life without rules of fate.

To try and regain a moment you’ve  lost will cause you to be caught in a cold winters frost.





Reforging Flames

After many years of wandering through the wastelands and decaying world the fallen champion find a suspicious looking dark castle, as he approaches the screams of the tortured can be heard through the wailing winds, still undeterred he continues to approach.

Standing at the castle gates he stares up at their malevolent grandeur, a haunting aura surrounds this place, drenched in pain and suffering with the reeking stench of fear exuding from those inside its walls.

The gates open and all that can be seen is a black hole of despair waiting to swallow those weak enough to blink in its presence, without hesitation and nothing more than the sword stained with his own blood clutched in his hand he entered.

The gates slam behind him, he does not look back, to look back would provide nothing but more darkness. Walking through the dark and dank courtyard various eyes watch him while cowering in the shadows.

Death is circling this castle and all who inhabit it, he thinks. He continues through unfettered by these afflictions for they were blessings compared to what he had suffered. Entering the dark castle chambers he sees nothing but more shadows and dust. 

“Tell me stranger, what possessed you to step into the unknown and grace us with your presence?” A voice from the shadows asked. 

“Knowledge” he replied.

“A wise man will seek knowledge to help those who need it and heed the warnings of others because of dangerous potential of knowledge, a fool will seek knowledge for personal gain a.d ignore the cautions that others of which speak. Which are you?” A second shadowed voice says.

“Neither, I seek knowledge to free me of my past. I seek knowledge so that I can share the secrets so that they are not lost in time and kept by those selfish enough to hoard them.” The fallen one said with conviction.

“A fall from grace you have suffered, the pain we see lies deep. You are worthy to be reborn. There will be pain beyond pain that is  price for this gift we offer you.” Said from the shadows behind him.

“Then I will scream loudly.” He answers. 

Dropping the blade he held so tight throughout his journey and opening his arms to embrace the shadows he is surrounded, engulfed by them. These were mere babies of darkness compared to the feelings he had left in the sleeping forest.

The shadows surrounding him dissipated and he stood in a dark armour forged by these entities and brandished a blade that was the embodiment of his past. The price of this was simple, to relinquish his paladin heart and accept the heart of chaos…. 

“Do you accept?” They asked.

“Yes” pierced through the heart with the blade he dropped, the blade that bore his blood, blinding pain radiated from within. His screams are a chilling sound even to those tortured souls who had resided in the castle for centuries.

The pain resides and the deep is done. He was no longer a fallen champion but a Knight of Chaos.

Leaving the castle the once noble champion walks into the night but not as he was before, now he was more than he once was. He would bring suffering to all who caused it and bring balance once again to his life, the start of a new journey had begun.


Distant Wings

To have wings and fly,

To leave behind that which we know,

To soar up high into the sky,

To be set free and choose where we go,

Those wings… I want them.

Forgotten faces from the past,

Forgotten troubles that held us here,

Forgotten memories never meant to last,

Forgotten pains and forgotten fear.

No longer bound by these afflictions,

We break free of our convictions.

Those distant wings we once sought are no longer dreams held in our thoughts,

Those distant wings have set us free, 

It’s time too fly,

Do you trust me?  


Unexpected Apology


“In this world there does still exist good men after all”

Walking into work to see “Katie” who asked me for a friendly ear to listen to her problems I stand and listen, from what I heard it would seem that her relationship has run its course with her partner, as sad as this was she was calm and only needed to speak the words herself. Once she spoke these words it became real, I told her not to see it as the end but merely the start of a new beginning, parting with a smile I am approached by a face that once housed so much malice for me, “Kain”.

“Can I have a word with you” he asks, “certainly” I reply. We walk to a quiet corner and “kain” held out his hand to shake mine… what he said next stunned me, “I want to apologise for threatening you” taken back by his words I answered “It’s ok, I would have done the same if I was in your position” we converse more and it seemed that I had finally been vindicated from the villainous pedestal I was on.

Talking about our concern from “April” it seemed he finally realised why I acted as I did, the feeling was liberating. To see the look behind his eyes and a potential understanding of how much I once cared for “April” almost brought me to tears, out of everything that had happened all I ever wanted was for her to be happy and safe; at last it seemed that she was free of what web she was ensnared in.

This thought brought warmth to the place in which my heart used to reside, maybe now she could finally regain herself and recover what she had lost.

We part once again shaking hands, walking to the office I can feel my legs weaken. Sitting on the desk I replay the conversation again and again finding myself breathless with my head spinning, it felt like the dark storm that was following me had finally lifted and once again I could see the path back to the light.

Some of “Kain’s” words in particular lingered in my head “well in six months you two might have a small conversation and then you never know” try as I might to forget these words and the feeling they brought with them nothing seemed to work.

The feeling they brought was one I no longer wanted a feeling that would only hold me prisoner once again and re-forge the shackles I had fought so hard to shatter, I would not let myself fall again because I would not have the strength to survive the pain I have endured a second time.

“Maybe two souls destined to be together have to endure eternities of trial and strife before they have their chance at true happiness just missing that shooting star that streams across the sky that can grant their wish, maybe the next time we walk this world again we will have our chance to be truly happy and never feel lost again but until that day we must continue to walk alone stopping to look up at the stars and wait until the time is right once again.”