“I was in love once, what happened? That person died along time ago”
In the wake of the unexpected apology from “Kain” close friends revel in this news that I have imparted onto them, those who sat and listened finally had a close to my story. Still though they had one last question to ask which was constant through all of my kin “would you take her back if she came to you?”
Their advice was also unanimous “don’t, you have pulled yourself out of Hell. Don’t fall back in.”
My answer remains the same to all who ask me that question “No” I could see behind their eyes they all had the same look, a look that thought I would do otherwise if that situation arose. Each of them knew of my feelings but only one asked why I would say no, and that person was “Freya”.
I loved her with all my heart and soul, I was willing to sacrifice anything for her even my own essence to see her safe. I might not have been able to offer wealth, security or a luxurious life style but what I would have given her was that one thing I never saw myself offering anyone else.
Me. All my trust, my love, my very soul. I would have loved her until the skies parted and the heavens called, never looking back because for me.she was enough and all I ever needed to do to know that in my heart was stare into her beautiful eyes and see the way she would look back at me… that was and always would have been enough.
Alas for her I was not enough and I never would have been because if I meant to her what she claimed, if she had the untold amount of love for me that she professed she would have been with me. It’s that simple.
Instead I was cast aside and stricken from her feelings and her life.
I was a rock that she was able to pick up and hold when it suited her and then thrown into the dark well of despair when she found a treasure that she wanted more.
To offer your very essence to someone and have them cast it into darkness with no hesitation, remorse or regret filled my once pure heart with chaos and pain.
A chaos I fought to gain control of and a pain I had to purge from my life.
If she was to have felt how she claimed I would not be sitting here alone with only the rays of the sun to restore the warmth of my heart.
That is why my answer will always be no.
The woman I loved ceased to exist the person I see now I no longer recognise, it’s a sad story but it is my story.
“So ends this chapter in my life, full of so much promise only to end in pain, suffering and torment. It’s time to write the next chapter with a smile safe in the knowledge that for the right person I know I will be able to take that leap of faith and give myself to her.”