“A raging storm of emotion crashes through the confides of my mind, unrelenting and unstoppable”
Spending the weekend at a wedding I was confronted by an overwhelming flood of happiness form the guests who could see only happiness in the future of this young family, smile as I might I was filled with a deep sorrow. My gaze was caught by couples spread throughout the room and I noticed one thing in particular a vacant look with an empty smile as these couple held each other in a “Loving Embrace” saddest things was I saw this even in the bride and groom… on a day that should have filled them with elation and emotion so powerful it could stop time itself all I saw was these couple were missing something, that deeper look that affected the whole face showing true emotion not just a plastered fallacy.
I began to think inwardly “Maybe I only want to see others pain to easy my own suffering?” I continued to look for these small moments that if captured on camera would echo through the ages and have people looking upon them in awe with a hope that they would one day be that happy.
Hours pass and the night draws to an end and the last dance is announced, asking a friend to get up and dance I slowly walk her to the floor and begin to dance “I didn’t know you could dance” she said, this made me smile “well I’m full of surprises” listening to the words of the song an elderly couple catch my eye slowly pacing in the corner of the room holding one another closer than all others I had seen before them as the song ended I watch this illustrious old couple and see the first genuine sign of happiness I had seen all day, a look that made my heart ache because once I had someone who looked at me like that.
The old couple gave me hope that one day I might find a person with eyes so beautiful I could get lost in them just as I did hers all that time ago.
“2am is the time it hits you, 2am is your deepest moment of thought 2am is when you think of everything someone meant to you and realise you still miss them”
The acceptance of pain is hard and our bodies fight it every step of the way, we look on the positive side of life’s challenges and all that we learn from them and all that they give us but sometimes but sometimes we are hit by that rush of emotion that reduces even the strongest of us to tears even if only briefly before we regain control.
Staring into the dark embrace of the night with only the whistling of the wind the rustling of the leaves and the silent sobbing that leaks from our hearts we remain silent keeping these feelings buried deep in the hope that one day they pain would reside and we would suffer torment no more.
Do we ever really let go of our memories that we hold so dear? The memories linked in song words, places, smells/scents and more that cause us to remember a time of bliss and elation for at that time we thought we had everything. Do we let go of those same memories that make us smile but also hold a curse that pierces our hearts without warning or hesitation and brings us back to reality and the acceptance of choices made by ourselves and those who we thought we knew.
Days turn to weeks, weeks to month & months to years and life goes on….. people go on.
Looking into the eyes of our fellow man can give us the chance to see what is in their hearts but those few will have a look that says “I am strong, I can help you, I am always here” these are the same people who notice the small things, these people are the good friends who you can always depend on, there people are the ones who have been forever scared and find happiness in helping others because it gives them comfort to see others smile.
These are the people who lay away at 2am with thoughts that make them remember once they too were happy.
These are people that live in hope to find each other and be understood, to be accepted and not left asking that ominous question that resonates with pain each time it is asked “Why?”.
These are the people who for all their strength eventually succumb to their emotion at only one time 2am… are you one of those people?