“Surrounded by people yet still standing alone”
Day by day I feel more and more distant from the world sitting in the coffee shop watching the various stories unfold in people’s life’s, time passes them by the remain still living routine as I watch I wonder how long ago their dreams died and they resided themselves to such a life.
Work has become mundane; my passion has begun to fade a constant barrage of insipid people and idiots I deal with daily leaves me wanting more from life. In these times the world has a funny way of throwing lifelines in various forms, mine happened to be in the form of an offer to work and travel the world at the same time, since I had nothing to hold me down what was there to lose by taking this chance?
Accepting the meeting I began to gather the required documents, upon finishing my task I started the walk home to be greeted by the bitter chill of winter. The cold air gripped my lungs, the wind cut through me leaving an all too familiar feeling, as I walk I begin weighing up the reasons to stay they are countable on only one hand and they all happened to be close friends the same close friends who it seemed loved me out of utility and nothing more.
I had been told by a select few that I was the most consistent part of their life, always there to help, always there to pick up the pieces, to say what no one else would for the right reasons. It was funny I could help other people solve their problems but when it came to my own I had accepted almost everything but there was one small piece that seemed missing I was aware of it but unsure of what it was.
My feelings for her had been replaced by pity, the energy it took to hate was to taxing and not worth it. I had tied up loose ends and been honest about the place I was in and the simple fact of not wanting anything in my current state of fragility but I could still not place the sinister feeling I had it was as if eyes were watching me and waiting for me to turn my back and then strike with yet more betrayal, Had I been that hurt by recent event that I now saw the world in a jaded light?
In recent times I have gained so much that has allowed me to be more open and empathetic, was I now loosing these new abilities? The constant mental fatigue was finally setting in…Time to take a chance, throw caution to the winds, say what I felt and hold nothing back.
“One of the hardest questions to answer honestly is a simple one…. Why? If you want to know the truth as this question to yourself, be warned you might not like your answer”