Lingering Memories

“When all is, when all has been we are left with only one thing, our memories”

Moonlight streaming through the darkness of the night welcomes me as my sleep is once again broken. Looking over at the window I find myself compelled to get up and just watch the stars as they fade away into the dawn much like memories out of sight for a time but always there, I must have been stood for hours with nothing but silence and the sadness of soul that resided as my companions.

Although the feelings of love had all but left so had the anger, hatred and malice only a sadness remained and try as I might to comprehend why my thoughts fell silent, it was clear I was  it ready to understand why this feeling was still manifested in my life when I had so much joy surrounding me from friends and the last of my family, All I could do was accept it and the reasons would become clear in time.

It had been almost a week since I had spent time with “Amelia” she had been becoming more open and it was clear she cared for me in a deeper way than she had admitted, the problem was as great a match as we are do each other I’m not in the right place emotionally and what I need if friends not lover’s. I felt ashamed because I can see what will happen and things won’t end well, I messaged her asking to speak, I could not play.with her feelings just because I’m not ready yet.

Various friends is mine had recently separated from.their partners and fell straight into a new relationship the underlying fear of being alone had gripped them, they had lost self worth and felt t be happy they must attach as soon as possible. I saw this happen far to often they operate and almost fall in love immediately all because someone gives them attention they never had or the comfort they sought after so desperately… it was sad to see friends who once had such vibrancy reduced to nervous wrecks clawing at any scraps they could find. 

I guess sometimes you nee to know yourself enough to say “this is infatuation not love, I need time to be alone, I need time to find myself before I look for anyone else”.