The Pain of a Smile

“A smile can hide the pain of a thousand ages, but the eyes never change”

Days had passed and I had recovered my strength, I once again began working and moving forwards with life. All the while I felt a stirring feeling at the back of my mind that something was happening, I could not pin point what it was but it felt as I was being watched.

Resuming work I heard various whispers, it seemed the truth was slowly breaking through to the surface, I was soon to dispatch this line of thought because I had not the time of energy to venture down this dark path again.

Recently the more I learn about myself the more I can see the ripples and effect of my potential choices and actions, all my talk of moving forwards and changing feelings had begun to be accepted by those closest to me and still each one of them had a look that said more than words could ever express.

Each time they looked at me I saw their disbelief staring back at me with an expectation of collapse and decent into a sea of emotion. In the place were my heart once resided was only silence, no emotion, no pain, nothing the absence of these feelings was more chilling than their presence ever was… I had seen “April” in passing at work and was greeted by no smile or eye contact but seeing how she had changed filled me with pity, a broken shell of a person I once knew now walked in her place.

Finding myself spending increasingly more time with “Amelia” we began to grow close, I could see her feelings blossoming like a rare flower breaking through the snow ¬†because she was one of few people that had suffered a pain similar to mine. The comfort was welcomed but the more time we grew closer the more I could see the ripples of the stone I had cast in the the river together life spreading out and what potetntial harm I would cause her feelings if I allowed them to develop further…. as happy as I could be I knew something was missing.

Maybe this is my fate for my actions and choices of my life thus far, to suffer in a world of purgatory because of my own selfishness and cowardice that hurt “Kat” all the time ago causing to all but break…¬†

“To let go of the past and accept the fate of the future is a gift few wil ever accept”¬†