“To change ones fate is to challenge everything for another throw of the dice, a better throw”
Day turns to night and the cycle repeats, never ending and always staying the same. I spend my time thinking of how she is and hoping she is ok for I fear the claws of despair have clasped onto her and have a tighter hold on her than I thought possible.
Reading back through the letter I was given the words seemed incoherent to the current situation I resided in, the words spoke of true love and feeling for me yet her recent actions rendered all of this untrue. Had these words been written with clarity and her actions influenced by a presence so maleficent that she was truly to scarred to fight for what she claimed she wanted?
Removing my emotion and placing myself in a third persons view of the entire situation I could understand why I would be the reason for all the suffering because only half stories have been told either to me or to everyone else, I only had one thing to keep my sanity and that was her words and memories even if they were falsities…
Not being allowed to be in my place of work because of the ramifications of the day that I decided enough was enough and confronted the situation head on left me with thoughts of “Why did she not tell her family what she had told me?” thoughts were stuck in my mind like a thorn from a rose, something so beautiful and yet capable of causing unrepairable damage. Friends who knew of the situation from start to finish were astounded still by the fact that people were so quick to take the side of “April” without asking for the other half of the story… it seems that fear really can be a powerful ally.
My days spend watching the world were filled with visions of the dying words of promise & false acts to appease their false hopes and realities for an easy life, like the trees bending to the winds or breaking in the storms people fell one after another subjecting their will to that of someone stronger. Amongst all this pain and strife I saw moments of pure and uncorrupted passion and selflessness much like the beauty of the stars offering guidance to lost travellers and the moon radiating its heavenly light to illuminate the path through the darkness so that people would never be lost, even though only brief they offered me hope for absolution and the chance to maybe love again.
My future however uncertian was under my influence and mine alone, to let the darkness swallow my heart or fight to reach the light?
I say this to you, we shape our future by the choices we make so learn from each choice and never lose yourself for once you have lost yourself you are truly lost and will have no future.