Abject Humiliation

“Time passes by and we feel a deepening sense of humiliation, vae vicits”

Days had passed since the events that have caused so much anguish, I once again found myself alone with a million thoughts swamping my mind. I still struggled to understand how I seemed to the full force of the malice that had been gathered from the situation, the only answer or theory I had was a simple one. 

I had been lied to all along, everything I was told was to keep me in the picture but also in the dark, shrouded in mystery to satisfy someone’s lust for attention then to be cast off at a whim and portrayed as the catalyst for her suffering to protect what supposed false reality she had told me she was living, if that was even true?

Solitude allows one to expand your view and gain a larger perspective on the events that had transpired. I began to wonder if anything I had been told by “April” was true, her apparent unhappiness and spiralling decent into despair? her concerned mother calling her almost daily because of overwhelming feelings of worry? The depiction of “Jay” she had given being needy, insecure, controlling and aggressive? I was unable to discern true for fallacy.

According to “April” her mother knew the same story I did and was he was losing.her daughter and watching her change and degrade from the beautiful person she was into a shell.  I doubted the true in these supposed fact I was told, to have allowed myself to ignore my head and follow my heart so blindly has left me feeling humiliated and hurt.

Deciding to open up to someone and delve into feelings that I had long been afraid to accept due to the fear of getting hurt had taught me a valuable lessons, accepting all of your feelings is what you have to do to fall in love but also to know when your feelings are being toyed with so that you would be able to distinguish between those who love you and those who lust after you.

I felt no bitterness towards “April” or “Jay” and nothing towards “kain” even after his threats,  the feelings I had for her were real and they helped change me I to a better person and  allowed me to connect with people in a deeper way than I ever thought possible, a deeper understanding of a broken heart and the simple truth that all people want is to have someone listen and not judge.

Would I ever be absolved of these accusations I was hearing of? Probably not but I had based my choices on the wellbeing and concern for someone else, someone I loved. Was it a mistake in the place and time I chose enough was enough? Yes, at least I got a honest answer from it all and.I will always pray for her happiness.

The only thing that can truly change a person is a broken heart. 


3 thoughts on “Abject Humiliation

  1. What can change the nature of a man? Love. Anger. Pain. Sorrow. Happiness? why doe’s it have to be just one right? I -know- what can change the nature of a man – Everything.
    Your brother.

    • A wise way to look at the world, I have been changed by all of these things. My biggest change came from love, the story promises more twists and turns.

      Life is not a straight path, nor an easy one. We are made by our choices and our experiences, we must learn to continue to grow and reach the highest peaks.

      I will see you at the top Brother.

      Do hurry thought, its cold up here.

      • If it was easy it would be boring, if you didn’t feel pain then you wouldn’t crave love the same way. The best way to search for something real is by not looking for it at all.

        For that reason I’m taking the long way up the mountain, the end result doesn’t matter half as much as the road I take getting there, see you at the top.

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