Misread

“To become a great leader you must observe from all aspects of life”

The events of recent times have left me tired, weakened & fractured. I spend countless hours replaying the scenario’s that transpired and their outcomes along with the pure and simple fact that my role in this has been cast on the darker side of the story; has everything I believed been a story? To be encountered the way I had been with such a threat how had I been depicted?

My mind ached from trying to unravel the web to seek answers.

Walking has been a release that has allowed me to clear my mind and just allow a state of serenity even if it is only for the briefest of moments. Spending most of the day with the two family members I have left and family friends has been an isolating experience, they sit and talk of meaningless subjects striving to stay away from deeper conversation.

Throughout the evening I sat and watched “Jack & Lilly” friends of my godfathers. I watch the way they treat each other with curious intent, both are very overbearing trying to get one over on the other locked in a constant struggle for supremacy the look in their eyes was one of acceptance to make the best of what they had even though they were not happy; They had split up several times and always ended up back together not out of love but more out of a sense of normality because any other partner they had been with left after a short while was this becoming the fate of our world? Acceptance and just doing what should be done rather than take some risks and perhaps see what could be better.

Scenes such as this had become more apparent with all the people watching I had been doing, it’s amazing when you just sit there and take everything in, you find yourself enticed with an insatiable thirst for knowledge and understanding. To know ones fate to be able to challenge it for the chance of a better throw of the dice was all so tempting; as we grow in life making mistakes is inevitable the key is we must learn from them so that we can decipher what it is we really want.

My feelings of love, compassion, longing had become numb & cold it felt as if the chill of the winter that was drawing in had gripped my heart. My new role as villain of this charade seemed to be set in stone with no sight of redemption.

“Screams of terror fill the streets, yet no one runs to aid the victim. You cannot stand by and watch as this beautiful woman gets torn down, casting off all fears you run to help. A struggle ensued then you feel the cold steel pierce through you… there is no pain only a stillness where the blade currently resides, you turn to see the woman holding the implement of your downfall. Suddenly it is ripped out leaving you to fall to your knees as they laugh, for you had been the poor fool to miss read the signs and sacrifice everything only to help only to be the one who takes the fatal strike”

After I read that passage today I found myself staring in to the distance, my peace was broken by a message from a friend with words filled with sorrow and confusion. Regaining my conscious state I decide to find out what is wrong and help in any way I can because everyone needs a pillar of strength.

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