The depths of the mind are a dangerous place to embrace but to move forwards they have to be traversed. You have to accept what you might find.. I find myself falling, tumbling uncontrollably in what seems like an endless decent with no sight of it ending. Despite this dark place I know I will be alright all it takes is time.
It’s funny how just one song can take your mind back to a place instantly.
As I listen to the words of this song that has taken me back to a place I thought forgotten, I begin to think about the meaning of the words and thought why “April” had aimed this song at me all those weeks ago when she was meant to be happy why she would do such a thing… It makes my heart ache to listen to the words “Don’t you ever say I just walked away, I will always want you” each time I hear these words I try and understand why she would aim such a song at me.
Feeling the rain and wind against my face as I walk by the river I find my head gaining a sense of clarity. All I want is to let go so she can be happy, as was said in the message from her friend “she thinks this will make her happy” but you should not have to think you’re going to be happy you should know you’re going to be happy. I can understand the need for a clean break the sad thing is we can only have a clean break if she can summon the strength to look me in the eye and tell me everything that was said in the message was true.
After all of the thinking and walking in the rain home was my next destination because I had to get ready…. I had a date, yep a date. I meet “Erin” and we have a nice evening but as I sat there I knew as nice as this girl was she would not make me happy and I clearly wasn’t ready. For me to have strung this girl along would have been cruel and unnecessary so we said our goodbyes and then she lent in to kiss me, I pulled away and was honest with her about not being in the right place. To my surprise she was not hurt instead she said that it shows respect not only for her but for myself too.
Walking home I think to myself I really hope “April” will be happy and I also hope that I will find someone who makes me happy too. All it will take is time days, months, years it matters not the breaks in my heart will heal, memories no matter how bright will fade & new hopes and dreams will blossom.
Yet in the back of my mind I knew that it will always be her I dream of at night, she has a place in my heart for as long as it beats in this life.