Sleep…The only time you cannot stay in control of your emotions, thoughts & feelings.
As I lay in the darkness, I look out of the window at the stars trying to quite my mind. I push thoughts out of my head and other appear relentlessly each more vigorous than the last and filled with emotion, I keep everything held in place with a deep ache that resided from my heart.
I knew a choice had been made and for that I am not bitter because I know I will move on and maybe one day find feelings similar to those I have for “April”. The people who care about us can be relied on to come at us with full force and words that we know are true and need to hear no matter how crushing they may be, yet with all of their best intentions nothing can yet quell the fires or my heart despite everyone’s & my best efforts to do so.
There is one avenue that has been left open for me from her… I cannot understand the reason why though, because what “April” write there is directly aimed at me and yet I was not her choice so what game is she playing? How do I know what she writes on this outlet is aimed at me? one simple reason… the words she uses are words I have said to her and her alone no one else knows of them.
As I read through them it makes my heart & soul cry out for her, all memories of her flood back in an uncontrollable wave. I sit and all I can think about is looking into her beautiful eyes and getting lost in them. It is a hard thing to try and banish feelings that are so strong and the only reason you keep going.
I have not seen her since the cowardly way she got her friend to tell me she was no longer in love with me, what could be the reason for this? she claimed she wanted a clean break if that is the case why not tell me face to face? perhaps she is a true master of manipulation or maybe she cannot do it because she is still truly in love with me.
As futile as this might be I cannot control the feelings I have for her no matter how hard I try.