A sleepless night filled with thoughts and memories plagued me.
After receiving that message yesterday from “Aprils” friend I was not bitter because I know what I felt was real, I knew even when I have to face the sight of seeing “April & Jay” together I would be able to look and smile because she deserves to be happy. She said to me she just wants to stop hurting everyone yet in the end I was the only one who was really able to take the brunt of all of this, reading back through the message I received Yesterday it was almost written with anger towards me with chilling meaning written between the lines.
Had she taken the easy way out? possibly but at least she had made a choice.
As I lay there in the darkness last night every thought was of her, every memory, every feeling was stronger than ever before because I knew it was over and I have to let go. I Summoned all of my strength to push everything down and into a place with stronger walls than that of the mighty Tartarus.
True Love is unrelenting and enters our lives without warning or hesitation, like a shooting start streaming across the endless eternity of the sky burning bright and beautifully, illuminating even the darkest places and for that brief moment time itself has seems to have no effect. This is a rare gift that some never experience some find something different, they find companionship, compassion, security, respect & loyalty over time this develops into a deep sense of love and a partnership that creates a fire burns almost as bright but unlike the shooting start that streams across the skies there will always be something missing, there will never be that special feeling, that total loss of control, that overwhelming sense to let everything go for just one person… there will always be something missing.
As walk to work this morning the chilling presence of winter creeps upon me and I feel no sorrow only joy for I have experience something that some may never has the gift of experiencing. I sit and decide to read but something told me to check a place that is unknown to many, a place where “April” can let her feeling run wild and scream out where no one judges or even knows why.
Just like that I saw…. suddenly all of those feelings I had used so much strength to bury and control broke through all of the walls, I felt unable to move time stopped and I felt my heart race at the sight of what I had just seen. All of this came from a simple word, I had said this to “April” weeks ago, no one else knew.
I sit here and think why… why do such things and make the choices you have if you mean what I have just scene? I refuse to bend to the wheel of fate and relinquish my feelings because no matter how futile a cause is worth fighting for when there is but one fool willing to fight for it.