Finally I was given my answer, not from “April” herself but from one of her friends…. Here was the message.
“Look I’ve spent the evening with April and she’s ok. As you know, she saw Jay this weekend, they’ve had a long chat about what’s been going on and in her words she feels like they’re both on the same page now. He’s explained a lot and April is comfortable with the fact that’s he’s telling the truth. She’s made a choice and she wants to be with jay. She loves you but she’s not in love with you anymore. The reason I am messaging you this is because April has asked me to as feels that there needs to be some distance between you both because it’s not healthy going round and round in circles. She wants to make this work with Jay and for that to happen there needs to be a clean break between you two. This is in no way Jay’s decision and he hasn’t asked her to do this, this is purely April’s choice. She is sorry about how things have turned out and she never meant to hurt you. She doesn’t think it’s fair that you’ve had to be there for her throughout all of this, she just wants to stop hurting everyone. You have always said you just want her to be happy and she feels this is how that’s going to happen. You need to leave her be now.”
The only thing that hurt was not the fact that she has made a choice but the fact she could not tell me face to face. I really want her to be happy because she deserves to be for the simple reason of she has given so much to everyone over the years and taken nothing in return. I truly wish her happieness in her future.
Some will ask me the reason why I am not angry or broken and it is simple I have that one ray of light shining through the darkness…. hope.
If she really was no longer in love with me then why will she not tell me face to face? Until the day I see the look in her eyes change and hear her say the words I will always hope.
I will keep moving forwards but always carry her in my heart because I changed as a person and she was the reason, I have opened myself and embraced my empathy. So if you find someone do not fear your emotions they don’t make you weak they make you human.
“Life is to short so smile while you still have teeth”