The Pain of Love

The more I write the more it helps.

After seeing “April” that Sunday days passed and if felt like an eternity, I sat and began to think about everything the way she still looked at me, the way she still held me even the way she still kissed me… I read back through her messages to me and if I was to believe any of the words she had said in them or any of the words she had been saying to me face to face then she was still completely in love with me. I sat and thought if this is true why is she not with me? A painful feeling came of that thought which can only be described as torture, it made me question myself and her I had never loved anyone enough to be willing to care for them before myself and yet with “April” all I could think was the chilling words in which she used to describe “Jay” I had a horrible feeling looming over me.

I sent “April” a message laying it on the line and that if she meant what she said then to stop playing games and be with me. Her reply…. “Firm but fair Caius, I like it” I didn’t know what to make of this so I resided my self to the thought of “I have lost her once I am sure I can do it again” I tried to tell myself that is she was happy I would be able to move on…

A week passed by I had seen “April” in work with “Jay” and she look beaten and drained emotionally, he was with her the  whole time I could feel her gaze unfaltering on a single point on the wall… this was not like her, I began to worry that the fears in my own head about how he was making her feel where right.

The weekend passed and on a quite Monday morning I see “April” at my work, we lock eye contact only to be broken by me because the pain was unbearable, I turn to look and she had disappeared. Later that day I had seen something on the internet and it hit me… was she waiting for me at the place she described?  That evening she was back I eventually got the chance to walk up behind her and softly spoke to her, as she turned to look at me I could see tears in her eyes… this was horrible to see, we spoke and laughed trying to make the conversation as normal as possible.

After I had finished work I had a message from “April” asking me to meet for a late night walk one day, I agreed and then had a small feeling of hope….