This next part to write literally kills me every time I think about it because I simple made a mistake.
2 Choice’s Be with “April” or go home with “Kat”. I was in work and saw “April” I said I needed to talk to her and told her this “I’m going to have to go with “Kat” this weekend” I saw her face drop and her heart skink she soon left after that statement from me, I was then contacted by her asking me to come around and talk to her which I did. As I walked towards her house I felt like I was being crushed, I knocked and waited at the door for quite some time I knew she was upset and eventually she opened the door and I could see she had been crying and it killed me inside because I was the reason for it.
We talked and I told her “I cannot be with her while I am still with “Kat” because it is not right” I know it was a bit to late for that considering I had fallen totally in love with her even though I had not admitted to her quite how much I was in love with her. I could see this was tearing her apart but I could not commit to her while I was with “Kat” through the streams of tears she looked straight into my eyes and said “I Love you” I felt I was making the biggest mistake of my life by holding back my true feelings for her and if I am honest I died a little inside seeing her in that state. She told me to leave… I hesitated and then left. I had just made the biggest mistake of my life.
Days passed and I saw “April” while I was at work, I had to use all my will power not to run to her but I knew I had to be honest with “Kat” before I could open up to her after work I went to pick up “Kat” and we started making our way to her families house. As we where driving down there was a tension that could only be described as crushing. “Kat” knew there was something wrong and we started to talk I knew that she knew what I was about to tell her and then I said it “I’ve slept with someone”…..
She burst into tears which where soon replaced by anger and then the one question I was dreading “who was it?” I answered with “it does not matter, but I can’t be with you” after more miles of driving “Kat” told me she knew who it was and said “Aprils” name. She had known because of the day she came to pick me up, the next words she said just gave me a wake up call “it was the way you looked at her, you’ve never looked at me like that” and it was true I had never looked at anyone in the same way I look at “April” and I will never look at anyone in that same way again. I had to pull over because of the guilt I felt for doing this to “Kat” and what was even worse was the fact that I was not in love with her and I didn’t have the courage to tell her sooner before we got to this stage I was such a coward. We approached her family home and “Kat” buried everything deep put on a brave face, She still wanted to be with me and that was hard to understand for me because I didn’t feel that way about her.
We spent the next day together and then after we got back to her family home we sat and had a talk and “Kat” had realised what I had done I do not know if she understood quite how I felt for “April” but it mattered not because I had broken this girl and she needed time to heal. I left and drove myself home leaving her with her family, As I drove back I felt guilt for hurting her and yet “April” was still in my mind and was the one light thought I had left.
Driving back all I wanted to do was talk to her, I would have to wait until I saw her next and wait to see if she would even speak to me at all after I had left her on that ill fated day.