This Love thing is a mother F%$ker.
I remember this night vividly, it was one of the most difficult nights of my life. I was at work and “April” came in alone I had to speak to her, I could see that it was upsetting her because of some of the questions I was asking her but I needed answers I needed to know if she was still in love with me or if it was all just a clever act.
We decided to take the conversation outside and sounds found ourselves in tears, she held me close and held me tight. “April” started to tell me things she hadn’t and things started to make sense, she looked into my eyes and said “I am still in love with you” these words are ones I had been longing to hear yet when she said them I felt only pain because if this was true why was she with “Jay”… The more we talked the more I learnt about how she was feeling and it was simple she was being held back by fear, I didn’t know what the fear was of but it became apparent that was the emotional reason.
I looked at “April” and asked her to promise me she would be happy her answer “I can’t promise that” I wanted to scream because I knew she still loved me and we would have everything together. I pulled her close and kissed her and said Goodbye….
I began to walk away into the rain that was approaching, I turned and looked back briefly to see her head down and tears streaming from her face. I wanted so much to turn back and go to her but I could not keep her in this loop we where caught in as I walked further away my heart was screaming at me to turn back, my head was filled with thoughts I wanted her to run to me or call my name and as I continued to walk…. nothing each step I felt my heavy heart each step getting harder like I was being crushed by a darkness.
My very soul felt like it was being torn in two, I had to keep walking and let her go so that she could be happy.
Even though I didn’t believe it…