Didn’t think writing a blog would help ease the fractured thoughts running through my head. So I’m sure you can guess where this story is going to end but let me continue.
After a chance encounter and then spending a morning together i found myself becoming friends with “April” which turned in to random chats about silly things with no real meaning yet somehow time seemed to become irrelevant and hours began to pass like minutes. My life in general was pretty good I can’t lie “Kat” & I where happy and had a great group of friends, one day I was talking to my brother “Dante” the conversation somehow moved into the realms of him asking me “is Kat the one?” I hesitated but answered with “what makes you say that?” he passed comment that I seemed different I was not too sure what he meant by that but apparently I had been happier.
I started to think about how amazing “Kat” was and was talking to him about her and possibilities for the future, yet all the time I was talking to him I had a stirring thought in the back of my mind. Life progressed on and things stayed the same, I started to find myself thinking about when I would get more serious with “Kat” but something was missing and I could not place my finger on it because she was what someone called “a good choice for me” more weeks passed and I found myself talking to “April” outside of work more and more.
It soon became the summer and a chance to lay about in the sun and relax as my work quietened down. One day I was chatting to “April” and I suggested we go for a chat & chill in the local park since it was very sunny, we got there and spent close to half the day sat in the sun chatting and laughing, I had not felt this comfortable with a person before it was almost like she knew me in a different way to anyone else. I remember the dress she had on, it was a light pink with hearts on it and without thinking is told her she looked beautiful and out of nowhere our eyes locked. I have never had anyone look at me in such a way it was like she could see past all the barriers and front I had put up to keep people out, We say silent for what could have been 5 seconds or 5 minutes I generally don’t know how long it was because everything else seemed to stop around us.
We continued chatting and then I had to go so we go up and I walked her back to her car where I gave a hug and we went our separate ways.
The thoughts of that day resided in my head all night, even while I was with “Kat” I again put it down to the fact that we got on so well, that evening I was at a party chatting to some old friends I had not seen in a long time and both of them said “this girl must be special, you have a look in your eye” now apart from me giving them a look that can only be described as a face palm without the hand I thought they were right.
The next day I saw “Dante” and had a talk with him and was stopped in my tracks mid conversation when he said “Who’s April?” I had apparently mentioned her several times and kept taking the conversation towards her. He offered me this advice “she sounds like a nice girl but it seems you have been spending a lot of time with her. The way you say her name says you think more of her than a friend” I looked at him and laughed and told him with no uncertainty “she is really nice but she is not Kat” I won’t forget the way he looked at me with a sultry look of fear.
More time passed and yes I spent more time with “April” and even when I was not with her I started to find her in my thoughts more and more. I would receive messages from her and open them before any other, I could not tell you what it was that made her occupy my mind on such a constant basis. It started to occur to me that I was developing feelings for her…. or so I thought, When I looked back through the messages I had not begun to develop feelings for her I already had them but I knew nothing could happen because I was with “Kat” I had not told her I was with someone.
One day while speaking to mutual friends we had I mentioned I was with someone knowing full well “April” would find out so that this would stop any possibility of things going any further, why didn’t I tell her myself? If I am totally honest it was because I didn’t want to as I thought if she knew she would not want to spend as much time with me or even be such a close friend.
I was a coward, I had not lied to anyone but I could not deny the feeling that “April” was something special.