What did I see that morning as I walked home, well let me tell you.
As I was walking home to go and get ready to spend the day with “April” as she suggested, as I walked there was a tranquil silence no cars, no people not even any animals. This silence was then broken by the sounds of a lone car approaching behind me, I hear the car speed up and as I turn to look I see what can only be described as a devastating sight… “April” drove past me in a panic and it just confirmed every dark thought that resided in my mind, she had spent the night at “Jay’s” She could no longer deny what had haunted my thoughts.
Yet despite seeing this I still wanted to see her.
Talking via message I could feel her tension and she sent one message that still sticks in my mind “today won’t be the day it was meant to be” The guilt that must have been residing in her must have been crushing but I knew she was not happy and if she meant anything she had been saying to me then I needed to know if it was true or not.
“April” decided to drive and we went off and spent the day together, I could see behind her eyes that she was uncomfortable about this morning, but she would not have wanted to seen me if she was really happy. We walked and talked for hours and it allowed me to understand the place she was in. As we sat by the river “April” looked sad I leant over and pulled her close, she held onto me tightly I could see by the look in her eyes she wanted to let go and kiss me. The more we talked she told me how she felt for “Jay” and I could see that he was a rebound, he offered her what I hadn’t at the time which was admiration (which I had held back because I didn’t want “April” to feel pressured, I know I made a big mistake) She then looked me square in the eye and told me she was still in love with me.
This made my head spin and my heart race, If she still loved me shy could she not be with me? This was a question that would soon start to fracture my mind.
After we talked more I got the growing feeling that she was almost intimidated by “Jay” as she described some of the ways he reacted to things and how he acted towards her, could this be the reason she could not be with me? Was she that scared of him?
We walked some more and found ourselves walking along the river again, we stopped and just watched the water chatting about general things and found we both had the original Beatrix Potter books from our child hoods and for the first time that day I saw her old smile and saw her start to let go. We stood looking at the water laughing and smiling just like before as if nothing had even happened, as I looked a the river there were two that joined as I looked I don’t know what made me say this “two rivers that flow into one can never be distinguished again” as I looked at “April” she looked down and let out a heavy sigh.. I put my arms around her and pulled her close I felt her cuddle into me and she placed her arms around my waist and pulled me closer.
After what seemed like hours we decided to start waking again, I started to open up even more to “April” because well I have nothing left to be afraid of I have already lost her once.
“April” & I made are way back to my home I could see she had relaxed and the conversation turned back to our situation and “Jay” her body language changed and the look in her eyes became what can be described as recluse. As we parked up I went to get out of the car and gave her a hug “you look so sad..” she said I could not lie I was, she didn’t want me to leave with a heavy heart but that was the only choice I had. When I left the car and started walking I turned to look back at her and she looked troubled, I lent down at her car window and said “I know you want to kiss me I can see it in your eyes” her answer was “I can’t” and then without warning she launched forwards and kissed me…
She would not have done this if she was happy.